Went to office after nearly a week. Felt out of place among familiar faces. Seemed as though I had already resigned and was serving my notice period.

It happens to me regularly. I might be highly invested in something, and snap, I lose all interest. Something of this sort happened when I was watching Warlock earlier this evening. Henry Fonda was a gun-toting hired hand in the movie. The cinema hinged on the tried-and-tested formula of a town in distress getting help from an outsider to defeat a gang of hoodlums, wreaking havoc on the innocent citizenry. The first time I saw Fonda was in Once Upon a Time in the West. He was playing the antagonist in the movie and he was so convincing that his only image as an actor in my mind is that of the villain in that flick. Anyway, the Warlock began on a promising note and of a sudden got mired in the convoluted plot it was functioning on. After paying rapt attention for nearly an hour, I lost interest in the movie and was searching for a way out. Similar was the case in the office. I had thought that I would be engaged for a while at the office and things would look brighter, but of a sudden, all I wanted was to get out of there. I’m mentioning this because I have never felt like this before. I like to think of myself as a dedicated and reliable hand not given to such internal tantrums. Maybe, it’s high time that I started fishing for opportunities outside of Express.

I have started a vigorous training session to improve my editorial skills. Though I have over five years of experience now, I feel as if I know nothing. There’s so much to learn and I have not yet started. I did not know there were so many conventions governing the way we write. These are the things that ought to be taught in journalism schools. Though I have never been to a journalism school, most of my current skills were honed by people who did. They never thought it fit to discuss stylistic conventions and artistic merits of editing, but rather focused on work at hand. While this clicks in an environment where the product delivered has a very short shelf life, one without these skills is exposed the moment he enters a field capable of imprinting a lasting impression. I came across an essay recently saying that unemployment rate was on the rise owing to lack of skills in people. The article went on to say that even those having jobs were not fit to man the roles they were handling as they had neither invested in their skills after gaining employment nor figured out that they were deficient in many respects.

Have been searching for a little brother for Caesar for long now. I wanted to bring in the puppy before brother left for the US, but not a single trustworthy breeder could be found in Chennai. I’m resigned to the fact that Caesar would have to make do without a brother for a while now. My brother's departure to the US complicates matters a bit. First, there is mother to be looked after. As she is bedridden and incapable of getting by without help, I wonder how she would manage till I return from office. Moreover, my company does not allow work from home, or I would have chosen that option. Secondly, there’s Caesar. He would have nobody to attack for a long while between my departure to and return from office. This month is going to be a litmus test of all my plans.

Anyway, it’s pretty late in the night and I have a few assignments to take care of. Then there is the reading part. I have trained myself to read classics, but now I have to take up the dreary books on style and convention. Wish I was in Kerala, in my house beside the paddy fields. Wish a cool breeze caressed my face and whisked away all the fatigue and the needless worries that mark the life of a city dweller. Wishful thinking or desire going to come true? Only time can tell. Till such a time as time decides to unravel the mysteries hidden behind the mundane, hope is the straw I have to clutch on to.